Cheryl Cole

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Misunderstood Geordie... what's that you say?

A bathroom boxer,

Swung and missed in the U.S

Lost in translation.

Simon Cowell

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I'd punch him in the crotch...

Short man, tall trousers

Ruined music for ever,

With bland, pop drivel.

Joe McElderry

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Reduced to singing for his brunch...

Fame beckoned to you,

The people voted for you,

Now they can’t find you.